Women RISE

The Power of Presence, with Paola Della Casa

May 18, 2023 Claire Molinard
Women RISE
The Power of Presence, with Paola Della Casa
Show Notes Transcript

What is Presence in leadership?  Is it innate?  How do we cultivate it, and for what? These are some of the questions that I explore in this episode with my friend and colleague Paola Della Casa. Paola has a wide professional background, from doing international development work in Iraq to working as a manager and consultant for private organizations. Today, she is the local president of the NGO Emergenza Sorrisi in Switzerland, supporting third-world country children with severe face malformations.  3 years ago, she co-founded Feel Free with her business partner, Tyler Micocci. Fee Free is a Holistic and Trauma Release coaching company that delivers coaching training for individuals and groups. To learn more about Paola and Tyler’s work, visit their website at www.feelfree.training.  

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Claire

My guest today. Is Paola Della Casa. Paola has a variety of experiences. She has worked in international development in various countries and capacities worldwide. She was working for the Italian minister of Foreign affairs and also did some work for private organizations as a communication and marketing manager.

Today, she is the president of Emergenza Sorrisi, in Switzerland, an NGO that supports third world country children with mouth malformations.  Since three years, she's also working in private practice as a holistic and trauma coach for women.

Paola, welcome to Women Rise. It's a delight to have you here. I've been looking forward to this conversation with you today. Welcome.

 Paola

Thank you very much, Claire. Thank you for this kind invitation and hello to everybody, to all your auditors. I'm very pleased to be here. 

Claire

Thank you, Paula. You and I have trained in a modality together for many years, and I've had the opportunity to witness your natural leadership. I've seen you being a leader many times and I wanted to invite you here, to get a sense of what do you know about your natural leadership. Do you become a leader? Are you a leader or is it both?  I'm curious to hear  how you see that.

Paola

First of all, , I'm very touched from your words and thank you very much for sharing it. I have to say that, the first wisdom is really when you get aware and knowledge of your leader because I have learned in these years that many times people were seeing me as a leader, but I didn't.

So my first concern and suggestion is to start from yourself before any other words, any other messages that can come from the outside. Believe in yourself, in your leadership capability and of being a leader. So for me, it was really an evolution. I often heard, oh, you are a leader. You are a natural leader. It's innate in you. But for many, many years to be really sincere, I didn't feel so, so something really shifted me when I start to believe in it and see the results. And I imagine that the natural question is what happened to you that you were able to shift?  And, uh, the first things that comes to me is presence.

Presence for myself, knowing my history, also my personal history, my type of education, family, and whatever.  

Claire

You said presence. Tell me more about presence. What does it mean? 

Paola

Presence is a very simple world word, but - there is a big difference from name it to really own it. 

Claire

So how do you own it? 

Paola 

I started to own it more during the course   that we did together and then more and more with other training. And this was a shift that occurred not only in my body, so really start feeling my body feeling. , also my strength and also my moment of,  weaknesses or less presence, but be more aware , where I am either with my - body, but also emotionally and mentally. And that allowed me to have a big shift in all the relationship that I have.

And also, this brought me to the changes that I have done probably in the last 10 years of my life and particularly as you said in the last three years. But certainly I can see the difference, from when I was in Iraq working for the Italian Minister of foreign Affairs, where my leadership was expressed with,  certainly a presence but more in doing, doing, doing, and try to solve the problems. 

But then the difference when you start doing things, connecting with yourself, connecting with the people that you working with, no matter if they are collaborator, your boss or people, let's say directly talking below you. And connecting with their emotion, with my emotion with what was needed in all terms.

Claire

What you're saying here is very essential. That the difference between leading from a place of presence in which you actually are grounded in yourself. You are aware of your body, your mind, your emotions, the field between you and others and that kind of presence allows for something else to emerge from you in leadership. As you lead, as you take care of a project, as you do stuff, because you do have to be efficient… 

And you are pointing to, is the difference between this posture, from a posture of “doing to prove something”. 

What is missing in the other posture?  

What's missing, is the exact word to start from. What is missing, is the presence often. So, I'm doing, because I have to demonstrate. I'm doing because I want to do, but maybe I don't pay too much attention to the rhythm of the things that I'm doing or that I'm saying. So I don't pay too much attention of the persons that I have in front of me. So what's their need? 

What are their expectations? And sometimes we often, sometimes, many times I feel that people often start from their mind what is needed. And want to be a problem solver. And I don't deny that this is a very important attitude, to be a leader and to be a problem solver, to be aware of what's needed.

But if you forget, how do you feel? In that moment, how does your body feel, what are your emotions, what are your difficulties? Because sometimes, oh, I'm a leader. I cannot feel this, or I cannot have a moment of destruction, or I cannot have a moment where, maybe I don't feel today to do these things. Okay. I know very well, especially when you work in emergency or you work in countries that have emergency status practically all day long, that, it looks like you don't have time to, so you have just to be very quick and go for it.

And sometimes it's true. But I have also learned that you maybe can take time in beginning, before going to bed. Things of the day, things, how things are went and, you know, , we are human being. We can make mistakes. But if I reflect on what I have been doing and I see that there is something that I have done that didn't really show who I am, how I want to do the, that certain things or how I want to relate, , to that person or that specific situation, I can do better the day after.

 Nobody is asking us to be perfect all the time. It's only us to us asking this. 

Claire

Yeah, exactly. We expect to be perfect with a very narrow sense of perfection and that sense of perfection comes from the outside most of the time. And you're speaking to, releasing the image of perfection that comes from cultural, ideas of what perfection is.

And often in our culture, perfection means efficiency results. Action. And as you saying, the whole other side of the ball, reflection, interiority, felt sense. All of that needs to be in the balance. If we want to have a whole capacity of our energy and leadership is also energy.

Paola

Absolutely energy to transform energy to bring people together towards a common goal, a common vision. You said it beautifully, Claire, is exactly what I want to express and what I would like to underline is in the moment you do so with more presence, with more felt sense. , Taking in consideration your background, as you said, and what your consciousness and what also you might feel, the environment is waiting from you or wanting from you.

But when you do it from a very grounded present point, , You are also learning to put somehow boundaries in respect of yourself and the others. Mm-hmm. And all these, all this wholeness that you so nicely expressed is coming quite naturally because at the beginning, when we go a lot with what I have to do, what I should be, and, and with the mind, if we want to sum it up, we think that this is not possible, but then for my personal experience, when you start to move, shift to a  felt sense consciousness of yourself, of your origin, of who you are or where you are and all the things that we said.

There is a big shift that little by little brings you to this wholeness that allows you to be. To be a good leader Yeah. For yourself and for the others, and for whatever you do and you want to accomplish.  And for me, being a good leader means also being able to share who I am, where are my goal, and find a common field with the people that I work with . 

Claire

You said two things. First, you talked about how things shift when you're actually in yourself present, not just from the mind and the problem solving, but being present to your emotions, being present to your body.

We have these three centers, the mind, the heart, the body. And these are three different types of intelligence, but we need them all. You know, you can't do without the mind. We're not talking about letting go of the mind.

We need our bright mind, but we need a spacious mind, not a tunnel vision mind. And the spacious mind comes when you're connected to your heart. Also connected to your body.  And when there is this connection, then Source, Essence can move through you. And as you said beautifully, then you don't even know that you're leading.

You're just doing it because it is doing it through you, you know, uniquely through you because you're a Paola and you're not going to lead like I lead, or someone else leads, but something is leading through you that is so much bigger. 

So that's one thing that I want to raise from what you said.

And then you talked about being sensitive to the field. What needs to happen here?

 What is the common vision and how do I carry that vision with the people that are with me? 

How do I share that vision? How do we bring it together? So there is a sense of being part of something, a movement  towards evolution, which is what leadership is, right?

We're leading from a vision and caring. People along with us towards a common goal. And this goal becomes bigger than us, right? It's for something that we carry together. So it's about leading together and not, you know, I'm the leader.  The one who has the vision. You guys come with me because I have the power.

Paola

Beautiful. Completely different. Absolutely. It's absolutely what I meant. And it is a big shift, that I think I would like at this point to underline is this important shift that all human being women and men, I would suggest if one day they would be able to do it and certain there are already a lot of person they are doing in this world, but sometimes.

The most powerful persons are the one that still lead from the head. Without a full felt sense of their capabilities, their energies, and their body and all that you beautifully said before in really sharing a vision that maybe as a leader you might have in that specific situation or occasion or position that you cover, but in a common field.

So, there is a wholeness that sometimes for what I feel in this world, sometimes, we lose it. 

Claire

Yeah, we do. I mean, as you said today's leadership, I mean, the great leaders that are making the big decisions today are not there.

They are not leading from their mind, body, heart integration.  And that cuts them off from a bigger, further vision.  So, they have short-term vision. For their own interests or the interests of their gang, or you know, the vision that they carry doesn't take the whole field together with them.

My sense is that the bigger vision that I have, that holds the most care and concern for wider and wider circles. The best leader I can be for this small project that I'm leading. If I can connect the projects that I'm leading, for example, you have the responsibility of this beautiful initiative to help.

Children with mal malformation in the third world to get surgery so that they can have a beautiful smile. Right.  They can live, they can really live because…

Claire
And they can have a life. 

Paola

Exactly. They can have a life because it's not a beauty solution. It's really for most of them because it's a malformation, then comes from malnutrition, right?

So often they already born with this because they were already. Yeah, malnourished from the mom, because we're talking about third world country, very poor. .

Claire

Exactly. You said a beautifully, it comes from all the systemic problems that created a world that has enough food to feed all its children and yet doesn't have the infrastructures to bring that food where it's needed. It does not have that vision. Doesn't hold a big enough vision.

It's that big. So, as a leader, I'm serving a vision of justice, kindness,  love for everyone. And then I can do my work for Emergenza Sorrisi with the day-to-day goals. 

And my point is here that sometimes we lose the big vision for the short-term vision and it doesn't have to be so. And actually, the bigger vision, the better I can serve my day to day objectives.

 Paola

And, and just to reinforce what you just said, and I would like to go on with your example specific on Emergenza about sharing a goal. Sharing a goal in that case is sharing a territory from the Italian president that founded this association more than 15 years ago ; it’s to find doctors that shared  his vision, to find other people, not only doctors in all the different areas, surgery,  anesthesia or whatever, but also knowing that you can go in a country and really change, not only because you save life, because otherwise most of these kids will probably die because they cannot be fed cause they, it's also because in some cases they are excluded by their society , and sometimes , especially in some countries, , they even exclude the old family because there is this opinion that something malignant, something has possessed the baby and therefore all the family. So, you know how, you see the network. You save maybe one kid not only from dying because he cannot eat, or he can have respiratory difficulties in some cases and all and other stuff. But you can save the whole family can go back to work.

 It can become, in later days a force of that community, a positive force. And talking about common field, yes. That is what we are trying to do. When you find doctors that go fully volunteer, so they're not paid. it's really find a common goal where you believe in what you are doing.

 You are taking holidays off from your work. You are not paid for, apart from the expenses of traveling and board. So really just going back to the idea of finding a common energy, a common belief that goes far beyond. Oh yes. That country needs us because there are this and that problem.

 And of course, this is the main drive if we want to call it there. But then you have to create a network where, where you share your opinion, where you share your heart or you share your energy and putting together the energy. You can have the support of a sponsor because we need money to do it. But also, Really, embody what you believe and what you believe is your mission in that moment. And of course, this mission can change, I mean, we are in continuous evolution. So also, okay, I'm doing this and I have to stop there.

 I mean, I'm the last person that can say so because I have changed so much, and so many works in my life. But now I can see at this point of my life how there is a fil rouge. There is a network. That was my personal development, in terms of systemic development in this world, with my soul, with my energy, with this body, and with this head.

 Claire

That's beautifully said. In my work with women, I help them also find the red thread of their life, which is so important to own, to take ownership of your whole story and to start to relate to your story as almost like a myth. You begin to see how every detour was actually necessary. Every curve and every descent and everything makes sense. There is a healing, when we can make peace with our story and actually see how every moment, every chapter was necessary to bring us exactly where we are and that we're exactly where we need to be.

 Paola

There is a sense of wholeness, and this wholeness is due to the fact that you can really start to understand the sense of inclusiveness. Inclusion of everything. Yeah. So not only that red thread that says, oh, okay, I understand my history, I understand where I come from, but really have that spaciousness, that we started to create it within ourselves.

 That sense of openness and spaciousness that allowed you to accept, to integrate, and that doesn't mean that you have to accept everything in a passive way. But give a meaning, give an understanding, see it as an evolution. For however terrible it was - and certainly on my experience, we can meet people that really had terrible experiences.

 But I mean, see it has something that allowed you to better understand who you are, where you come from, where you want to go and made you grow. 

 Claire

So yeah, and, and also have more compassion for self and others. 

 Paola

Absolutely. When you start to understand that we are all part of a system and we can have if we want our position in this system, in this world. It's absolutely to us to decide which position we want to get and how we want to get it . And this allowed you to really shift. In a completely different way. And this is also what brought me in my personal evolution to become an holistic coach.

 Why? Because I saw, and now I see every day how, where I come from, what I'm learning every day, what I'm learning today in sharing with you this experience allowed me to make one more step ahead to make peace with my story and to integrate my stories and my experiences from the past in the today to prepare me for the future.

 Claire

And in your work with women, Paola, you also do trauma work with women. I imagine that a big part of your work, is to help them integrate their past experience in the present, such that they can be present. We started this call with Presence. Presence is also peace with the past.

 To be fully here and not stuck somewhere in the past, which is the definition of trauma, right? Absolutely. Because otherwise you talk, you move and you feel from that past position. So, the trauma as a much more enlightened person before me said, is not what happened to you, but is what is stuck in your nervous system according to the experience that you had, but was something that you were not for thousands of good reasons, you were not able to release. And so, it's stuck in you. So, whatever you are doing today, no matter if you are 20, 30, 40, 50, or 80, you move from that. So, you still move from your history, from your past. If you haven't elaborated, if you haven't integrated, if you haven't accepted and moving with all the pain that sometimes you carry. 

 Claire

We started with presence and we're ending with presence. In the beginning of our conversation, we talked about presence being this capacity to be here, not just with your head and your short-term vision and your to-do list as a leader, but to actually be here with your spacious mind, your open heart, and your grounded body.

 And that makes a huge difference in who is going to move from this place. So that Source, Essence can actually move through you because you're open. And now we're ending and we're bringing Presence again.

 And this time we're bringing Presence from a different angle. Which is, I cannot be present here if I am still holding, or if I'm acting from trauma. And trauma can be, let's be clear, it can be,  really big trauma. And it can also be everyday trauma. And we are all traumatized people in this world today.

 So, releasing trauma is really about allowing past experiences to have moved through you to have been released. To have been gathered and processed again, so that I can be present. And then, as you said, it's from this place that I can be present to the future that wants to happen through me and through the field that I'm leading.

 So, I just love the way that this conversation started with presence and ended with presence from two different but very important angles. That for me, and I think for you too, Paola, really defining “Leadership” and how do we lead from within, from the heart, not just from the heart, but from our whole being.

 Paola

For sure. And this is what I'm trying to do every day. And of course there are times where I feel that I succeed more in others where I succeed less. But it is part of life. It's part of our being without pretending to be too perfect. So moving toward a spaciousness and wholeness that start from me, but is not only for me.

 Claire

Thank you so much for this conversation. Was there anything else that you wanted to touch on, as a gift to our listeners as an advice? 

 Paola

What I would like to share. It's my own experience. So really start to listening to your body, listening to your feeling. And I know that for some people it is very difficult. For me, my first important experience, 10 years ago was realizing that I was not feeling my body. That I was feeling my body with my head, but then I was not really feeling my body. So, if you want to call it, my recommendation is anytime in the day, whenever you can, just stop, make three long deep breaths and ask yourself where am I now? how I do feel? and this you can do in  the evening before going to bed, but you can start with really just three long, deep breaths and just inquiring with yourself, is this - whatever it is, what I really want for me or for the persons there are with me now? 

 And from that on, everything's welcome. Much more smoothly. This is my, my personal experience. 

 Claire

Thank you so much. It was such a delight to talk to you. Thank you so much, Paula. 

 Paola

Thank you, Claire. It was a real great pleasure and all the best for this fantastic project.