A Heart of Service: Lillian Enyang-Akpet’s Mission to Empower Nigerian Girls

What if you had the power to transform your community, one girl at a time? Prepare to be inspired as we delve into the inspiring journey of Lillian Enyang-Akpet, founder and executive director of the Rubies Development Foundation (RDF). 

In a world where gender equality and adolescent sexual reproductive health remain pressing issues, Lillian has emerged as a beacon of hope for young girls in Nigeria. Her mission? To create a profound impact on the lives of these girls, empowering them to break free from the chains of societal limitations. 

Join us as Lillian paints a vivid picture of her transformative efforts to provide sexual education and foster gender equality values in remote provinces of Nigeria. As she shares her experience growing up in a patriarchal society, her unwavering dedication to social justice becomes abundantly clear. Her true calling is service, and she's leaving no stone unturned to make a difference. 

Lillian is not just a gender and development specialist, a women's and child's rights advocate, or a community mobilizer. She is a catalyst for change. Her leadership is rooted in compassion, empathy, and an unyielding belief in the power of every individual to contribute uniquely to their community. 

Tune in to this powerful episode and witness the magical impact of heart-centered leadership. Lillian's story reminds us that one determined leader can inspire genuine change, and together, we have the power to transform our communities. 

#RubiesDevelopmentFoundation #LilianEnyangAkpet #WomenChangeMakers #GenderEquality #SocialJustice #EmpoweringGirls #AdolescentHealth #HeartCenteredLeadership #TransformingCommunities #Inspiration #Nigeria 🇳🇬

Website: https://www.rubiesdf.org

Email:info@rubiesdf.org

Instagram: @rubiesdf

Twitter: @rubiesdf

Facebook: Rubies Development Foundation 

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Transcript

Claire: 0:00

Hello and welcome to Women Rise, a podcast about women changemakers that explores the emergence of a new leadership paradigm, which calls us to lead from within. I'm your host, claire Molinares, and I live and work on the island of Corsica, in the south of France. I'm a holistic coach and therapist. I teach and facilitate developmental programs for conscious women changemakers, helping them move from depleted and disconnected to resourced and interconnected. Every week, i meet with other women leaders and we explore the inner game of leadership And how, in this times of emergency, we are being called to our unique self-emergence to co-create a world that works for everyone.

Claire: 0:51

I'm delighted to welcome Lilian Enyong-Akpet as my guest today. Lilian is a gender and development specialist, a community mobilizer, and a woman and child's rights advocate. She currently works as the founder and executive director of Ruby's Development Foundation, rdf. Rdf is a youth and women focused NGO based in Nigeria, in West Africa, in the city of Abuja. Lilian's work focuses on promoting gender equality, adolescent sexual reproductive health and rights, social justice, democratic values and empowering of women and youth, including young people with disabilities. Lilian has also been involved in addressing issues of women and child's rights, as well as violence against women and girls, through policy development and advocacy with the public sector and civil society.

Claire: 1:51

Lilian, i am super excited about this conversation. I believe we met in 2011 in Calabar, nigeria, while I was delivering some coaching for One Sky organization. At the time, you were already involved in providing sexual education to young women and defending their rights. Remember a conversation with you where you told me how you travel across the villages and places where cars can't even reach. And here we are, 12 years later. You've moved forward with your vision, created your NGO. I've admired you from afar for all these years and I am really eager to hear more about Ruby's Development Foundation And to reflect with you how you've been leading through your heart in creating this organization and fulfilling your work. So to begin with, lilian, please tell us a little bit about how you came to this. What animates the work that you do?

Lillian: 3:01

Thank you for having me on this podcast. It's such a great honor to be on your podcast and I hope that I'll be able to communicate to the audience what inspires us to do the work we do. So thank you for having me. You want to know about what inspires me As an African woman.

Lillian: 3:21

I come from a background Patriarchy is is the order of the day, a system where males ar e dominant and women, are expected, to play the subordinate role. Where, in practical terms, women are expected to be seen, not heard. But thanks to the gender equality advocacy from the United Nations since the Beijing conference, where issues of women were brought to the forefront, where women like me in the development space now have a voice to make our people hear us back home. So I grew up as a young girl in Nigeria. In course universities, although I was privileged to come from a family where I could express myself, because my father was a teacher, my mother was a teacher, so I had the opportunity to go to school early and be able to express myself within the family. But all around me were young girls and women who didn't have these opportunities And I grew up to become a teacher and realized that, look, i can do something about this. You see young girls coming to school. Yes, it's just within these cool premises around your peers. You are able to express yourself freely, but back home you are almost silent with decisions about your body, your rights.

Lillian: 4:55

So we are faced with female genital mutilation. These are gender-based violence issues that we are faced with right from birth, because a group of people that do not have a written code have decided that your female genitals should be mutilated either at birth or when you come of age. So these issues confront us at this stage. Of course, the health implications of female genital mutilation a lot of girls go through And this affects most of us psychologically. These are some of the issues we are trying to help most of our peers to deal with because it's affecting their mental health.

Lillian: 5:36

But unfortunately, we come from a society where you shouldn't discuss these topics, even a topic as natural as menstruation. There's this culture of silence around it. You shouldn't talk about it because for some people it is taboo. The culture around it, it doesn't allow you to speak. And then we have girl-child early early marriage, which is also in some areas, is not so prevalent nowadays. Of course. We still have pockets of it here and there.

Lillian: 6:11

So these are some of the issues whereby I got troubled and distraught. And then, to crown it all, you find young people dropping out of school due to teenage pregnancy. I observed this when I was teaching in the Secondary School at the time And that was what inspired me the most to start going about my community engagements. Because you can't afford to have students in school that is a genital secondary, and then you cannot complete your CCS in the Secondary Schools because you've got pregnancy. It's not allowed to come to school with a protruding stomach. Of course, the principal and the minister of education would not permit it, because one of the girls would view that to be a wrong role model for her peer, so that affects her educational career.

Lillian: 7:03

She stops there.

Claire: 7:05

So just to understand, there's no sexual education. That's part of the curriculum.

Lillian: 7:13

We now have that. But of course they are given the basics in school, not the prevention. So, yes, so these young people need to know more. They need to hear details at a much, even much younger age. So young people, both boys and girls, are able to understand their sexuality because they have the human rights to be given the accurate and adequate information about their sexuality and sexual rights So they're able to make rights and informed choices. That to help them build their futures to rights.

Lillian: 7:49

So we now took it upon ourselves to go into communities to educate young people about the menstrual health and hygiene. Of course you cannot talk to someone about menstrual health and hygiene management without discussing the ablation cycle. So organization teaches young people. First we prepared those who are yet to have the menstruation between age nine, 10 to 12, you know, approaching puberty. So we prepared them to get to expect menstruation. And then, because of the work we boys, we engage boys and men so they're able to be supportive to these young people. They're able to understand how to support the girl child when they're experiencing menstruation. That is one aspect. But importantly, we prepare young girls for the first menstruation, which is menarchy, and then we train menstruating girls on how to manage their menstruation hygienically, in safety and in dignity.

Lillian: 9:01

Why are we doing this?

Lillian: 9:02

So that girls will be able to stay in school clean, comfortable and confident.

Lillian: 9:07

Because a lot of girls, when they're menstruating, because they are ignorant on how, they're not aware of how to manage their menstruation effectively, a lot of them stay out of school. They just miss three to four or three to five days of school every month. So when menstruating, girls miss three to four days, or even more, every month. Now it affects their academic performance in comparison with their male counterparts. So when we train them by giving them the right information about menstruation, how to manage their menstruation, and even sometimes provide menstrual products for them, like sanitary tools and other resources that they need, it helps them and equips them to stay in school, play, learn and improve their academic performances while they're menstruating. So then I'll see that the normal part of life is no longer something that you shouldn't be talked about, because now the boys and the girls understand that this is a natural thing And the parents are made to understand that it's a natural process, so it's okay to talk about it. You shouldn't be viewed as something that is stable.

Claire: 10:22

The girls are trained to be seen, not heard, and therefore there's this enculturation of silence. Girls are not invited to have a voice, and on top of that there is a sort of a shame that's created very early, at the moment of puberty, when they start having their periods. The mothers have been encultured with the same thing, so they're not passing on information to their daughters And therefore it's being perpetuated from generation to generation. And men are not informed as well, so the menstruation itself becomes a shameful thing that needs to be hidden And there's no prevention. So with your organization, you're filling the gaps.

Lillian: 11:19

Yeah, when we're growing up, most of the information you hear is don't allow a boy to touch you. And you, as a child, all you know is okay, if a man touches my skin, i will get pregnant. Don't allow a man to touch you. You can boy touch you, so you get pregnant. That is the first information you get. So, not knowing that it's true sexual intercourse that you get pregnant.

Lillian: 11:42

So Rubie's Foundation, now gives you the information and we use the right words and we use that to communicate with the young people. So they're excited. They keep calling, they want to know more. They're excited because they have this platform. They have this platform where they are able to not express themselves without any judgmental environments. They can talk, they can ask questions. The questions these young people ask are mind-blowing.

Lillian: 12:11

So, yeah, our main goal is to ensure that they're educated, they are informed about menstrual health and hygiene, promoting menstrual health and hygiene. We want to prevent teenage pregnancy And then we're able to raise confidence young people that are able to achieve their goals in life because they're equipped with actually life-building skills. So during our trainings we don't just go to talk about menstrual health and hygiene and other skills that young people need. We also work to build their confidence. So we've worked with their inner being, tried to make them to look within and know who they are Like.

Lillian: 12:51

Most of them come shy, like I said, with the background of the girls should be quiet, seen and not heard. So we take them through certain affirmations for them to say you know, they are good, they are blessed, they can do all things, they have seeds of greatness inside of them, they can be whatever they want to be And you know they keep saying all these affirmative words to themselves And before long you begin to feel happy and free to voice out. For most of the young, yes, there are girls who face issues like gender-based violence when they go home. We are there to listen to them and also give them tips on how to protect themselves and how to prevent some of these gender-based violence issues that reinforce some of these stereotypes against the young people.

Claire: 13:46

Lillian, can you help me understand? Nigeria is a big country and there's a difference between growing up in Abuja or Lagos or Port Harcourt or or any of the big cities and growing up in these remote communities. So just to be clear for our audience, we're talking about rural communities here.

Lillian: 14:10

Yes, i come from Okune myself, so I've had interventions, cholera interventions, medical outreach, even in Calabasas and in Abuja, where I am currently. Abuja is the federal capital city of Nigeria, but there are communities around that don't have the facilities that the main city has. So these are some of the young people that we are reaching out.

Claire: 14:35

What happens when they are already ?

Lillian: 14:46

lhe There are some families who cannot take these bills.

Lillian: 15:01

So the girls' education terminates right, because her mother is poor. She is poor. Sometimes the father doesn't want to see her. The family is ashamed. The church or the religious group feel embarrassed. So she's either sent to live with aunties or relatives elsewhere And so she has a baby on.

Lillian: 15:28

The cycle of poverty continues because she's not able to go back to school. The child grows up and finds it. So there are some of those cases where we encourage the parents to not to send their daughter to live, not to destroy that her life has not come to an end. She can pick up the pieces of her life and start all over again. We talk with these girls and talk with the parents, so some understand and allow them to stay within their families. And then we're able to support some to write their final exam, especially those who are in the exam class, what we call the WIAC West African Examination Council exam, so we're able to mobilize resources for them to pay for their exam. Have the baby come and complete their test, so with that certificate they're able to get into higher institutions and better their lives.

Claire: 16:21

Right. So, liliane, as you know, i'm most interested in exploring how leaders who find their way to their heart use their heart intelligence as the guiding principle of their leadership, which then allows them to accomplish their work with purpose. And as a young girl, you sense that something was wrong. You sense that young girls who were not invited to have a voice, who were made ashamed of their body, not supported in the ways that you were supported by your educated family, you sense that this difference was not okay And it seems that the sense of injustice, the sense of your heart guiding you through making that discernment, informed the leader that you are today. How was it to step into this leader who decides to be the voice of the young girls who have no voice in Nigeria? How did you come to this place? What struggles did you go through?

Lillian: 17:24

It wasn't very easy, but I was opportune to have the experience of volunteering in a local NGO at a very early age, after my secondary school in 1992. I started volunteering. That was my first experience of getting involved in humanitarian work and working with charities. So I started learning how to put a smile on people's faces, how to appreciate people's challenges, because now I was beginning to visit communities from a development perspective. I was beginning to meet a community of people that were concerned with making a difference in people's lives. I was the first to hear things like livelihoods, sustainable development and the communities and all that. So the interest started coming up. You know, when you are in the development community you begin to attend workshops and you have access to certain information at the workshops. So you begin to know appreciate your environment better. And that from helped me because, remember, i told you I was teaching at some point. So that's since that building at that point where I was a volunteer after my secondary school.

Lillian: 19:07

Then, when I got teaching as a secondary school teacher, where now have children under my care, i was now seeing a bigger, you know a closer picture like a zoom photo to you, and this was now closer to home And I started seeing this and it's like no, no, i have, i really, really have to do something about it. So I had this, this platform, which other women you know of my age didn't have. So I had the platform first of volunteering in Luka-Lingio, and then I had the platform of being a leader in a classroom where I'm teaching and I'm able to influence young people, right. So I'm not just teaching them what they should learn as students, but I also had to mentoring them as a teacher. And then from there I moved on to the development community where I became a gender specialist And I started advocating for women and gender equality issues, even with persons living with disability.

Lillian: 20:20

We also interface in that community because we don't want to leave anybody behind. You know, we want a society where everyone has a level playing field to achieve their potential in life. So those platforms have given me the leadership edge or position or platform, if you like, to be able to speak for communities, to network with other NGOs, non-governmental organizations, to society groups that I have come to meet in the course of my career, right. So that has given me that position to speak for people that are like me, women like me, persons that are vulnerable, so that people will hear what their challenges are, their issues are, and I try to get help for them. And most times I just find that it comes natural for me. I see a need, i talk to one or two people. They are able to support me and we solve that problem or address that need for those group of people. So that's what really drives me on, and because I succeeded in one, i know that I can succeed in the next one.

Claire: 21:35

So I keep on doing that I love what you said. I see a need, i just take care of that And I move on to the next one, and what I'm hearing in what you're saying is that you allow your heart to be touched. I mean, you live in Nigeria. I've lived in Nigeria and I know how tough it is. Every day life is tough. When you go out in the street, people are struggling. It's survival. It is tough. I mean, i come from Europe. It's different. It's tough too, but differently.

Claire: 22:08

And so it's easy to close your heart. Most people because it's just impossible to feed all the hungry mouth or to heal all the sick feel like I can't do anything And therefore I just close my heart because it hurts to feel that there's so much suffering and I can't do anything about it. And so people tend to close their heart, not because they're bad people, they're not bad people, they just don't know what to do. So they close their hearts, so it doesn't hurt them. But what you're saying is you let your heart be touched and you do what you can do. You take the leadership to do what you can do by pushing your edge. That's leadership.

Lillian: 22:50

So to answer that, i think most of them don't naturally close their hearts because they are weaker or they don't want to help, but I think they don't know better. I should have mentioned earlier that the leadership training you gave to us with the One Sky programming in Calabar at the time also contributed immensely to molding me, to making me become who I am, to them, adding to what I do, because it was through that program I realized that my fifth sense is service. So, no matter what I do in life, i must learn to give back society. I must learn to volunteer, do things without expecting anything in return for my society. I must be a change agent in my society. So the realization eventually you think when you're in convenancing yourself to help, to give, to serve, you think you're losing. But in the end, the inner joy, the inner peace and the reward that comes with seeing the smile on someone's face just keeps you going. Seriously, that's what gives me joy.

Lillian: 24:16

Yesterday night I got a call from a woman in the evening. She called and was just thanking me. I'm like you've thanked me for doing this. Why She's like? each time I look at what you did for me, she has that urge to call me, you know, and she responds to that call. So you solve people's problems not because you are all wealthy, but because you have the heart and the privilege to be able to be in that position to help And you see the transformation in their lives, because it's not just about things, it's about what you are able to put in the mind of someone, to help that person to also realize that they can do the same for other people. So you have been able to win another soul, if you like. So we are trying to push the narrative to make people understand that service is paramount, and I know what I have benefited in my life being selfless and giving back to society. So thank you again, claire. You are one of those that are more than my life.

Claire: 25:22

Thank you. Giving is receiving. It's sacred because it's just a flow you give and you receive at the same time. It's that dimension that you're speaking to and that's true leadership, because we're not trying to change the whole world, you're just doing what you see in front of you. That's what I call sacred obligation. You can't do it all, but you can do what you see. What you see, obviously, is not what I see. We don't have the same story, we don't leave the same place, but you're fulfilling your purpose because you have eyes to see and a heart to feel. What is your sacred obligation? And you know it's sacred because when you do it you get the reward right away. It's the joy, it's the pleasure of seeing that you were able to do good.

Claire: 26:14

Yes, and that is the heart of our children. It's the part that we're doing foul language Pain. Alلم K думаю'ulon'.

Lillian: 26:26

We traveled from Zech buildings to seem few, but it's still connected to these layers of spiritual power and your God поб assumes a cup where you will bless her. Then just really heal and rest well. Thoughts about their bodies, their sexuality to be taught, about how to build a better future for themselves and be useful to the world, because whatever you do in your space affects the global community eventually. So these young people need to be reached, and they can be reached without someone going to them, because Nigeria is large, so transportation is difficult for people to come out, so we go to them, especially those in the rural communities. So we have volunteers that we work with that assist us to do the work. All these people, including the resources that require money, and then the Braille community of the blind that we're working with. Most recently I remember the principal of the school was telling me I never knew that Braille's weather expensive, you know. So these are resources that persons who don't come from well to do families are not able to access. So everything that needs to be done, from training to assessing communities or advocacy policy, requires resources. So I appreciate any financial support that I'm sent to our organization or technical support, because I stand in my capacity to be built. I need the volunteers working with me. We need people in building our capacity to do this work better.

Lillian: 28:21

So whatever technical support we can get materials for the work in the area of the sexual products, the health leadership, youth empowerment, girls mentoring we will appreciate. Really we will appreciate. I know we have already we have overflogged the issue of funding in the development community but it's not entirely all that we need most of the time. So we are hoping that from this podcast we can have organizations of persons out there can help us to say, hey, these are better ways to that. Big organizations have done things and they've achieved huge success. We will appreciate such technical assistance, even if, of course, at volunteer, because of the distance home, can volunteer with us from from the West, from where you are right, to help our organization develop better. So going to show that development support We will appreciate. We'll appreciate technical support and resources to carry on our work and, of course, funding.

Claire: 29:27

Received, thank you, and we'll make sure that we have all your details and email website. I'm curious how many people are currently working with you on this NGO and what's your funding at the moment. How do you function?

Lillian: 29:43

I consult for that development organizations. So it's been my income that I've been using to fund the organization. So far, right. And so I work with volunteers who we provide stipends here and there. So it's been, it's been on funds and we're really looking forward to being able to get grants that will support our work and help us with sanitary tools and other hygiene products for young people who cannot afford Like a lot of them don't have notebooks to provide notebooks for young people in school. That is capital intensive. We're hoping that when we have more funds we'll be able to help to buy uniforms and shoes, school sandals for some young people. But that isn't the pipeline. But we do books, we do sanitary tools, we do education, you know, and when you reach out to these young people you provide their snacks. So it's been interesting.

Lillian: 30:49

So We keep on doing this because of vision. Yeah, and I get calls. People keep asking how can I volunteer? how can I volunteer? sometimes we put up flyers Yes, i should have said full funds, but at least 90% own funds. Sometimes we put up flyers to raise funds for a particular project. Friends make donations, so it's not 100% by majorly owned funds, so people are able to donate from some 5000, some 2000, some 1000. We have been receiving some donations from friends. They know grants. So we are hoping that within this year and the year to come we'll be able to assess grants.

Claire: 31:39

Thank you for this clarification. Is there a next big step that would bring the important work that you're doing to the next level?

Lillian: 31:49

Yeah, we plan to have a safe space for young people who have suffered gender based violence at home. We're able to create something like a hotline where people can call him. You know when they are, when they are attacked or they are victims of gender based violence like sexual abuse or human trafficking, especially because the issue of female genital mutilation, with the female laws in our country and our state and the level of awareness and creating, having involved in training programs for communities and community leaders, so people are beginning to do it in hiding. So these hotlines will be able to get people to call us real time to know where these gender based violence issues are. And we also have issues where young girls, rather than being sent to school it's not human trafficking.

Lillian: 32:44

You know method or scheme, if you like.

Lillian: 32:48

Someone comes to you in the village to say, oh, bring your daughter, i want to take her to the city to live with a one rich man or woman, and how to school.

Lillian: 32:59

So there's a caveat of education for your daughter and you release your daughter to the city, not knowing that your time is going to be used as a housemaid and may not even go to the school, even when your she is enrolled in the school, the time to be in class or to focus on the studies is almost not there.

Lillian: 33:17

So the child is involved in child labor in a sub two way. But someone has told you that your child is going to school and actually I'm even be sexually abused and a lot of them because they feel they came from very poor backgrounds. If they report to their parents or go back home they want to be they may be going to increase the burden back home So they stay in that hostile environment and continue to suffer all the bodies and their mental health. So with thought lines like this, we'll be able to address these issues with the child protection network that we belong because we have lawyers and the network. We have other experts that we work with, so we're able to need those issues on the board and reach out to our network partners in the various locations that we network with. Amazing.

Claire: 34:08

Lady, and thank you so much for sharing all this information with us and thank you for what you do. A deep bow, it was a delight and a pleasure to have you here and thank you, thank you again.

Lillian: 34:22

Thank you so much. Thank you for finding us, thank you for spreading the word and the good work you're doing as well, globally. Well done, thank you.

Claire: 34:35

Thank you for listening to Women Rise. If you enjoyed the show today, please leave us a review. To get announcements when a new podcast is published, send me an email at Claire at unixelfemergencecom to be added on my distribution list. If you're interested in being a guest on my podcast or you would like to join my private free group for female leaders, go to my podcast description for the links to apply. Thanks again and see you soon on the Women Rise podcast.